I was reading the latest issue of Bust magazine and came across what I felt was an awesome bit of insight from actress Tilda Swinton. When asked about new motherhood, Tilda told Bust, "It's like a new person comes into being--you as a mother. But the old person, the not-mother, goes on. And you ignore her at your own peril! If you think she's not going to come bite you in the ass 20 years later, then...you'll have a big surprise on your hands."
I think that's so great to read because I felt like she captured something I'm feeling. Instead of changing into just one new person, I felt like motherhood sort of smashed my old self into this new self and sometimes, well sometimes I can feel them both sort of needing attention. I love that a well-read magazine publishes sentiments like these to let women know it's definitely ok to need to pamper your "not-mother" self every now and then.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Body Image
At the first ICAN meeting I attended, Amy (our leader) mentioned that many women feel betrayed by their bodies after a traumatic birth experience. This resonated with me so strongly!
I think I had pretty good body image before I got pregnant. Sure, I felt awkward about bathing suit season, but I felt really confident in my fitness and my muscles and I knew my body could do anything I asked it to. And I asked it to do a lot of things! I had all these exciting goals I was working toward, like pull-ups and rope climbs. As I mentioned in an earlier post, I played rugby for ten years.
And then my birth experience turned everything upside-down. I really felt, for a long time, that it was my body's deficiency that somehow caused my c-section. WHY hadn't my baby descended into my pelvis despite such strong contractions? WHY was my cervix stalling at 5 cm? The questions came from everywhere, relentlessly, and they were all focused on what I viewed as my body's betrayal of my mind.
My midwives were great at answering the technical questions about my birth. The therapist I started seeing was great about helping me to realize that sometimes, there is no answer, there is no specific person or thing to blame, and things just happen.
But the sense of betrayal and even anger at my body lingered for a really long time. It seeped into every other thing I did, including my breastfeeding experience. Through my research as a writer, I've spoken to a number of new mothers who felt this body anger. Women kept saying, "If only!"
If only I had pushed harder. If only I had bigger hips. If only I hadn't succombed to the pain and begged for the epidural...we women, it seems, turn to our bodies when we seek something to "blame" for our birth experiences.
I think it can take a really long time, and most certainly a strong support network, to overcome these feelings. One thing that I found really helpful in the beginning was affirmations. My therapist suggested I find something, each day, that my body had done and to verbally affirm this amazing achievement.
My body grew a healthy baby! My body is amazing.
My body carried laundry up and down stairs on 3 hours of sleep. My body is amazing.
What has your body done today?
I think I had pretty good body image before I got pregnant. Sure, I felt awkward about bathing suit season, but I felt really confident in my fitness and my muscles and I knew my body could do anything I asked it to. And I asked it to do a lot of things! I had all these exciting goals I was working toward, like pull-ups and rope climbs. As I mentioned in an earlier post, I played rugby for ten years.
And then my birth experience turned everything upside-down. I really felt, for a long time, that it was my body's deficiency that somehow caused my c-section. WHY hadn't my baby descended into my pelvis despite such strong contractions? WHY was my cervix stalling at 5 cm? The questions came from everywhere, relentlessly, and they were all focused on what I viewed as my body's betrayal of my mind.
My midwives were great at answering the technical questions about my birth. The therapist I started seeing was great about helping me to realize that sometimes, there is no answer, there is no specific person or thing to blame, and things just happen.
But the sense of betrayal and even anger at my body lingered for a really long time. It seeped into every other thing I did, including my breastfeeding experience. Through my research as a writer, I've spoken to a number of new mothers who felt this body anger. Women kept saying, "If only!"
If only I had pushed harder. If only I had bigger hips. If only I hadn't succombed to the pain and begged for the epidural...we women, it seems, turn to our bodies when we seek something to "blame" for our birth experiences.
I think it can take a really long time, and most certainly a strong support network, to overcome these feelings. One thing that I found really helpful in the beginning was affirmations. My therapist suggested I find something, each day, that my body had done and to verbally affirm this amazing achievement.
My body grew a healthy baby! My body is amazing.
My body carried laundry up and down stairs on 3 hours of sleep. My body is amazing.
What has your body done today?
Monday, May 24, 2010
Physical Activity After the C-Section
I haven't posted in a few days because I was preparing for, playing, then recovering from my first rugby game in almost 2 years. You see, before I became a mother, I was a competitive athlete (in addition to all my other roles and identities). For ten years, I trained like a fiend for the only full-contact sport in the world where the rules are the same for men and women alike.
Rugby is an intense sport for many reasons, the biggest of which is probably the cardiovascular fitness and strength the game requires. I was in amazing shape when I got pregnant and, with the approval of my midwives, was able to continue working out up until the day I delivered. I actually had gone to the weight room and done 75 overhead olympic lifts the morning before I had my son. I tell other athletic moms-to-be that power cleans were my secret labor inducer.
All kidding aside, one of the most difficult things for me to mentally adjust to was the physical limitations after surgery. I was going to have a natural birth and start working out again after, like, one week off. And then, instead, I was flat on my back unable to sneeze. Training had always been my way of dealing with stress, too. There was nothing a sweaty workout couldn't clear up.
So, having to face the most intense experience of my life (motherhood PLUS my first experience with any sort of physical complication, injury, or surgery) and then spend five weeks "taking it easy," well that was tough.
It's been ten months since Miles was born, and I am only very recently beginning to feel rested enough and recovered enough to truly test myself physically. It feels so, so, so amazing to exercise again! But boy, my body is really different now. For one thing, I still can't sit up from lying flat on my back. Other things seem much easier (like any sort of lift mimicking hoisting up a 21 lb baby...).
Returning to fitness is a slow and winding road. It sure feels good to be driving it.
Rugby is an intense sport for many reasons, the biggest of which is probably the cardiovascular fitness and strength the game requires. I was in amazing shape when I got pregnant and, with the approval of my midwives, was able to continue working out up until the day I delivered. I actually had gone to the weight room and done 75 overhead olympic lifts the morning before I had my son. I tell other athletic moms-to-be that power cleans were my secret labor inducer.
All kidding aside, one of the most difficult things for me to mentally adjust to was the physical limitations after surgery. I was going to have a natural birth and start working out again after, like, one week off. And then, instead, I was flat on my back unable to sneeze. Training had always been my way of dealing with stress, too. There was nothing a sweaty workout couldn't clear up.
So, having to face the most intense experience of my life (motherhood PLUS my first experience with any sort of physical complication, injury, or surgery) and then spend five weeks "taking it easy," well that was tough.
It's been ten months since Miles was born, and I am only very recently beginning to feel rested enough and recovered enough to truly test myself physically. It feels so, so, so amazing to exercise again! But boy, my body is really different now. For one thing, I still can't sit up from lying flat on my back. Other things seem much easier (like any sort of lift mimicking hoisting up a 21 lb baby...).
Returning to fitness is a slow and winding road. It sure feels good to be driving it.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Staples vs Stitches?
I noticed an article on Stroller Derby the other day where the authors started a debate around staples vs stitches for a c-section incision. The article references a study done at the University of Insubria in Italy that found, cosmetically, the two methods produce equal results. It then refers to an earlier study that found staples increase the chances of complications post-surgery.
When I had my c-section, I had internal stitches and external staples for a few days. These were then replaced with those butterfly sticky things, which stayed put for more than a month before coming off in the shower. My scar is in pretty good shape these days in the sense that it's pale pink and only gently raised.
What sort of closure method did other moms encounter? I don't recall being given a choice or discussion about it, but then my surgery was an emergency one and not a planned or scheduled operation. Did other moms have a similar experience? How are your scars holding up these days?
When I had my c-section, I had internal stitches and external staples for a few days. These were then replaced with those butterfly sticky things, which stayed put for more than a month before coming off in the shower. My scar is in pretty good shape these days in the sense that it's pale pink and only gently raised.
What sort of closure method did other moms encounter? I don't recall being given a choice or discussion about it, but then my surgery was an emergency one and not a planned or scheduled operation. Did other moms have a similar experience? How are your scars holding up these days?
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Birth Control
Immediately after my surgery, I'm talking immediately, like when I was still being wheeled into the recovery room and asking my husband what had happened, a resident popped her head over my bed rail and asked me, "So. What method of birth control will you be practicing?"
I was pretty out of it, on drugs, etc. Not to mention I had just become a mother! I was certain I misheard her. "What?" I said, all polite methods of asking her to repeat herself forgotten.
"What method of birth control will you be using?"
"We haven't discussed it yet," I told her, incredulously. Every few hours for the next two days, someone came to my hospital room and asked the same question. My mom told me to say abstinence. My husband got really cranky and suggested a number of dirty things I should say instead.
My midwife eventually explained to me that there was a medical risk in getting pregnant too soon. What the residents meant to be explaining was that I should avoid pregnancy (and the uterus-stretching it would cause) for 18 months. In order to avoid this, they wanted to make sure I knew everything there was to know about birth control.
I eventually just told them something to make the questions stop: diaphragm.
What a bad choice that was! I left it on my chart so long that, at my 5 week checkup, I actually had to get fitted for a diaphragm. Good lord, that's a horrendous invention. Terrifically awful in every way.
But what else was I supposed to use? Eighteen months of condoms sounded like a terrible idea to both my husband and me. The idea of an IUD in my uterus filled me with fear. I didn't want a hormonal birth control anymore...I felt like I had limited options.
Needless to say, the diaphragm did not last long and I switched to the mini-pill, which is safe to use with nursing. But I don't really like that much because I don't want to be on a hormonal birth control, like I said before. And I'm terrible at remembering to take the pill! What mother of a new baby can remember to take a pill at the same time every day? I often don't remember to brush my teeth (I'm ok admitting that).
What birth control method did other new moms find successful in between babies? I'm dying to know what other choices are out there AND how those choices play out in real life. Anybody have some good advice?
I was pretty out of it, on drugs, etc. Not to mention I had just become a mother! I was certain I misheard her. "What?" I said, all polite methods of asking her to repeat herself forgotten.
"What method of birth control will you be using?"
"We haven't discussed it yet," I told her, incredulously. Every few hours for the next two days, someone came to my hospital room and asked the same question. My mom told me to say abstinence. My husband got really cranky and suggested a number of dirty things I should say instead.
My midwife eventually explained to me that there was a medical risk in getting pregnant too soon. What the residents meant to be explaining was that I should avoid pregnancy (and the uterus-stretching it would cause) for 18 months. In order to avoid this, they wanted to make sure I knew everything there was to know about birth control.
I eventually just told them something to make the questions stop: diaphragm.
What a bad choice that was! I left it on my chart so long that, at my 5 week checkup, I actually had to get fitted for a diaphragm. Good lord, that's a horrendous invention. Terrifically awful in every way.
But what else was I supposed to use? Eighteen months of condoms sounded like a terrible idea to both my husband and me. The idea of an IUD in my uterus filled me with fear. I didn't want a hormonal birth control anymore...I felt like I had limited options.
Needless to say, the diaphragm did not last long and I switched to the mini-pill, which is safe to use with nursing. But I don't really like that much because I don't want to be on a hormonal birth control, like I said before. And I'm terrible at remembering to take the pill! What mother of a new baby can remember to take a pill at the same time every day? I often don't remember to brush my teeth (I'm ok admitting that).
What birth control method did other new moms find successful in between babies? I'm dying to know what other choices are out there AND how those choices play out in real life. Anybody have some good advice?
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Family Planning
I was advised after my delivery that I should not get pregnant for 18 months. Now, my husband and I were initially planning to have our kids be 3 years apart anyway. I had no desire to get pregnant before 24 months...until someone told me I couldn't.
I have never taken kindly to being told what to do. I'm a Taurus! I'm stubborn. I'm also spiteful and dramatic and have these terrific martyr fantasies where I blame my birth experience for the structure of my family.
Only, if you think about it, it's not so dramatic. I know lots and lots of people who want their children to be one or two years apart. There are practical explanations for this: the kids will be good friends, close together in school, the time away from working will be compressed. There are moral or just preferential reasons for this, too: folks like big, close families. There are millions of reasons behind people's family structure choices.
Cesarean sections impose regulations on when or how often we can reproduce. Isn't that terrible? My son is 10 months old now. When he was first born, I couldn't imagine ever becoming pregnant again or replicating the experience of parenting a newborn baby. Now that he's super cute and cuddly and (dare I tempt fate to say) easier, I can have serious conversations about expanding our family.
Except my damaged body puts those plans on a necessary hold for 8 more months.
I've looked around on the internet and read a bunch of magazines and literature. I think this is an issue that is often overlooked.
Was anyone else out there advised to postpone pregnancy due to surgery complications? What did you think about the "spacing"of your kiddos?
I have never taken kindly to being told what to do. I'm a Taurus! I'm stubborn. I'm also spiteful and dramatic and have these terrific martyr fantasies where I blame my birth experience for the structure of my family.
Only, if you think about it, it's not so dramatic. I know lots and lots of people who want their children to be one or two years apart. There are practical explanations for this: the kids will be good friends, close together in school, the time away from working will be compressed. There are moral or just preferential reasons for this, too: folks like big, close families. There are millions of reasons behind people's family structure choices.
Cesarean sections impose regulations on when or how often we can reproduce. Isn't that terrible? My son is 10 months old now. When he was first born, I couldn't imagine ever becoming pregnant again or replicating the experience of parenting a newborn baby. Now that he's super cute and cuddly and (dare I tempt fate to say) easier, I can have serious conversations about expanding our family.
Except my damaged body puts those plans on a necessary hold for 8 more months.
I've looked around on the internet and read a bunch of magazines and literature. I think this is an issue that is often overlooked.
Was anyone else out there advised to postpone pregnancy due to surgery complications? What did you think about the "spacing"of your kiddos?
Monday, May 17, 2010
Poughkeepsie VBACs on the Rise
Women delivering near Vassar got some optimistic news this month. According to an article in the Poughkeepsie Journal, the area's primary c-section rate has dropped as its VBAC rate has increased. The area showed a 22% increase in VBACs for 2009!
The trick seems to be for the directors of obstetrics to lay on the pressure. The article indicates that the hospitals showing this data used midwives in the hospital to assist deliveries, promoted VBAC, and were "very careful about inductions."
Seems like good Standard Operating Procedure to be emulated!
The trick seems to be for the directors of obstetrics to lay on the pressure. The article indicates that the hospitals showing this data used midwives in the hospital to assist deliveries, promoted VBAC, and were "very careful about inductions."
Seems like good Standard Operating Procedure to be emulated!
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